


Desiderata

by kmou



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Hetero, M/M, Male Slash, Out of Character, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-11-04
Updated: 2004-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:41:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29951490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kmou/pseuds/kmou
Summary: A songfic of Draco's desiderata.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley





	Desiderata

**Author's Note:**

> The song is called "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers. Thank you to Krista and Beulah for beta-ing this for me! :)

_**Desiderata -** Something considered necessary or highly desirable; anything desired; that of which the lack is felt; a want generally felt and acknowledged._

* * *

_Coming out of my cage  
_ _And I've been doing just fine  
_ _Gotta gotta be down  
_ _Because I want it all  
_ _It started out with a kiss  
_ _How did it end up like this?  
_ _It was only a kiss  
_ _It was only a kiss_

He kissed me on our graduation day. There he stood in his Gryffindor-colored graduation robe a few feet away from me looking as beautiful as the first day I saw him. I watched him smile and laugh at something his friend had said to him. I stood there watching him, wishing I were there right beside him; with him. His eyes caught mine and I couldn't look away. His green eyes were so enchanting, so mesmerizing. I was under a spell and I never wanted it to break. Then he looked away. I felt my heart sink to the ground. He hugged his friend and jealousy began to course through my veins. I looked to the ground, not wanting to see any more. I wanted to look, though. I wanted to remember him this way forever, but I didn't want just an image of him. I wanted _him_. Needing to look at him again, my eyes darted up, only to find him walking towards me. I felt the world speed up around us but we were stuck on slow. Everyone was blurred as they raced past us, and I just watched him walk slowly, missing the blurs walking past him. Then he was there, right in front of me. His face close to mine. His eyes fluttered shut, whispered " _I love you and forever will_ ," and kissed me. He knew I felt the same way. He knew. I wrapped my arms around him, wishing this moment would never stop. But it did. He belonged to someone else, and that person wasn't me. All he could give me was just this moment. Just this moment only for me to remember forever. He kissed me on our graduation day.

 _Now I'm falling asleep  
_ _And she's calling a cab  
_ _While he's having a smoke  
_ _And she's taking a drag  
_ _Now they're going to bed  
_ _And my stomach is sick  
_ _And it's all in my head  
_ _But she's touching his chest now_

A year has passed since my graduation. I am alone now, sitting on the ledge of the roof of my block of flats, staring out into the night sky, with the moon shining brightly down on me. I lift the cigarette to my lips and breathe in the smoke, hoping it will kill me soon. After he kissed me, he smiled sadly at me, and left. Left to walk into the arms of Ginevra Weasley, his fiancée. He proposed to her right after his graduation. Now a year since our graduation has passed. He was married to her. He was with her right now.

 _He takes off her dress now  
_ _Letting me go  
_ _And I just can't look  
_ _It's killing me  
_ _And taking control_

He was lying right beside her right now, holding her in his strong arms, kissing her with everything he has. He's running his hands up and down her body, cupping her breasts, and pinching her hard nipples. He is marking her with his lips while her fire-colored hair is fanned out on the pillow beneath her. He is taking her over and over again, becoming one with her. Their sweat mingling together, mimicking their bodies. He was with her right now, and I couldn't stand it.

 _Jealousy  
_ _Turning saints into the sea  
_ _Swimming through sick lullabies  
_ _Choking on your alibis  
_ _But it's just the price I pay  
_ _Destiny is calling me  
_ _Open up my eager eyes  
_ _Cause I'm Mr. Brightside_

I want him here with me. I want him to hold me. I want him to kiss me. I want him to mark me. I want him to guide our bodies in a dance of love. I want him here, holding me, while we both gaze out into the starry night. I want him beside me in my bed. I want him to be there when I wake up, being the first thing I see in the morning. I want him to shower with me. I want him to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner with me. I want him to sit on the sofa with me while we watch a movie. I want him to bicker with me and I want him to apologize with make-up sex. I want him here with me. Not there. Not with her. With me.

 _Coming outta my cage  
_ _And I've been doing just fine  
_ _Gotta, gotta be down because I want it all  
_ _It started off with a kiss  
_ _How did it end up like this?  
_ _It was only a kiss  
_ _It was only a kiss_

That day he kissed me. Our graduation day; I knew. I knew that it would never be enough. It would never satisfy me. I wanted more. I wanted him. I wanted everything he had to offer me. I wanted his body and his soul. I had developed an addiction and one taste was all it took. I was hooked and needed more. But I would never get any more. This was not meant to be. Our love was not enough. The world would never accept us. They would cast us away, trying to break us apart, break our souls, and break everything we had. Our love was not enough.

 _Now I'm falling asleep  
_ _And she's calling a cab  
_ _While he's having a smoke  
_ _And she's taking a drag_

I watch the fire turn the cigarette between my fingers into ash. It slowly blows away into the night air, floating to him. The smoke carries my pain, my loneliness to him. But it will never reach him. He was untouchable. He was out of my reach. Dragging what's left of the cigarette to my lips, I take it in 'till there's nothing left. The smoke building in my lungs, trapped with nowhere to go just like my heart. The gray misty air leaves my lungs, through my lips, and swims away into the dark night, the beautiful stars dancing with one another. I watch as everyone passes by, held in the arms of their loved ones. I was alone, in pain.

 _Now they're going to bed  
_ _And my stomach is sick  
_ _And it's all in my head  
_ _But she's touching his chest now_

She's touching him right now. She's feeling his smooth skin under her fingertips. Her lips on his exposed neck, marking him as hers. Her legs entwining with his. Her fingers in his silky raven hair, tugging. She is kissing him with love, holding him in her arms. She is welcoming him in with open legs, letting him take her away from everything. She's touching him right now.

 _He takes off her dress now  
_ _Letting me go  
_ _And I just can't look  
_ _It's killing me  
_ _And taking control_

The cigarette falls from my numb fingers, plummeting down onto the streets, unknown to the passersby. I light up another cigarette, bringing it to my cold lips. I try to erase the image of them together, erase the image of them making love, erase the image of him. I can't. He's everything I want, everything I need. He's everything to me, but he's not here with me. He's with her. I breathe in another lungful of smoke, hoping that perhaps, it will kill me faster this time. There's nothing in life for me without him.

 _Jealousy  
_ _Turning saints into the sea  
_ _Swimming through sick lullabies  
_ _Choking on your alibis  
_ _But it's just the price I pay  
_ _Destiny is calling me  
_ _Open up my eager eyes  
_ _Cause I'm Mr. Brightside_

I love him. I love him with everything in my body and soul. I would give up everything to be with him. But this was not meant to be. I stare down at the street below me, wanting to jump. I want to forget everything. I want to forget him. But I can't forget him. He's everything I live for. Knowing he's there safe and happy is enough to keep me alive for now. I can't jump. Flicking the half-done cigarette into the air, I push myself off the roof and stumble back to my flat. Slipping the key into the slot and turning, I walk into the dark room. I feel a pair of strong arms slip around my waist. The beautiful face pressed up against my shoulder blade. The keys fall from my hands to the wooden floor with a _clunk_ , echoing throughout the apartment.

 _I never...  
_ _I never...  
_ _I never...  
_ _I never..._

The long awaited words fall from his lips. " _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you, and forever will._ " I smile, turn around, and take him into my arms. He's not with her right now. He's not touching her. He's not lying next to her. He's not making love to her. He's here with me, not there, not with her, but with me. I steal those lips that are rightfully mine back. I steal back his body and soul from her. He's mine. He's here with me, touching me, kissing me, marking me as his, taking me over and over again. Our bodies welcome each other as if we were never apart, becoming one. My loneliness and pain did reach him, and here he was replying back. He's here to stay forever... _with me_.


End file.
